Happy Halloween, Yogis!

Are you going to get in a yoga class today before all the ghosts and goblins emerge tonight for the Halloween? (You should, of course!) Feeling festive? You could wear your costume to class, but what if your Elsa wig falls off in the middle of a challenging sequence or your mummy strips aren’t quite as flexible as the packaging promised? That would be awkward! You could bring candy for the whole class, but yoga people are all healthy, anti-corn syrup, anti-chemicals, and anti-fun … It would cost a fortune to buy that much organic, fair-trade, fancy candy…

Here’s what I recommend instead—scare the living daylights out of your teacher. It’s so easy! And it will fun for the whole class. Besides, she deserves it. How often does she make YOU uncomfortable by putting too many Chaturangas into her sequence and asking you to hold poses for longer than anyone should? (I mean, does she enjoy watching you you suffer?) Halloween is the perfect opportunity for revenge.

5 Ways to Scare Your Yoga Teacher

1. Make that face. You know the one—where your brow is all furrowed and you clench your teeth so it looks like you are in a whole lot of pain. When your teacher asks is everything is OK say, “Oh, I’m fine! Just a little tight today!” Repeat intermittently throughout the rest of class.

2. Make that face (again). Fall out of Tree Pose (Vrksasana), or really any pose will do. Scream out, “Oh!” Then, take a really long time to get back up. Stay hunched over and hobble a little bit for a bit of dramatic flair. When you finally make eye contact with your teacher, flash her a smile.

3. Wait until class is over. Then, nonchalantly walk up your teacher and say, “Is it supposed to hurt so much 2 days after back/knee/hip surgery?”

4. Get up and leave in the middle of class. Don’t give any explanations. Don’t make eye contact. Just go.

5. Ask your teacher if she has some kind of special yoga teacher insurance because you were “just wondering.”

P.S. Don’t really do these things to your poor teacher—just bring HER some fancy, fair-trade, organic chocolate instead, OK? Or better yet, just come, be present, and enjoy your practice. For a yoga teacher, there’s no better treat.

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